Carrying On

My kids were back to school one day (Monday) and then today was another snow day (they called it weather related due to the intense lack of snow). I tell you it’s like one big long weekend around here and it has me shaking my head. All this is sending my diet into a tailspin.
And can I ask why are weekends with the family such a challenge? It’s something about kids, the hubby, the dog and free flowing organized chaos that brings on the urge to eat. Tell me I’m not alone. Please. I’ve done well so far this year so I’m not going to beat up on myself too bad. Still I’ve had no sugar in my coffee, and I’m still exercising just about every day though only 1 day on the weekend instead of 2. Hey, I’m going in the right direction. Yes?

But sadly, I have to say the migraines have been coming fast and furious the past few weeks and have been insidiously slowing me down which is a bummer. I seem to be on a pattern of waking up with them again and my neurologist wants to have me go cold turkey for a few weeks off medication to see if I’m not having rebound headaches. The thought of daily nausea and excruciating pain is enough to send me into a tailspin. She said I need to find a time when there is not much stress in order to do it. She said that should be easy since my kids are teens and could fend for themselves. You can imagine how I looked at her right?

On top of this all my treadmill walking has my foot arthritis flaring but I’m working through. I refuse to let it stop my weight loss. I’ve gone down 8 pounds so far this month according to friend it’s all in my face. Of course that is so not there I wanted it can we work our way south please?

Ahh well, carrying on.

How you doin?

Love You, Love Me,
Kwana

image fm here

Sure Footing

Hi peeps. I hope you all are well.

Me? Lately, I’ve been feeling like that character from Airplane and thinking I’ve picked an awfully bad year to make this the best year of my life. But I’m surging ahead and no, I’m not ready to give up on my claim. It’s way too early in my endeavor. So despite the arthritis not subsiding, but seeming to ramp up along with the migraines and senior stress I’m still forging ahead with my Best Year plan.

Like I was saying my RA has not improved. I had that setback with a run around trip to the city which should have been easy but I suffered way too long after and my doctor has put me on a quicker acting and hopefully more effective medication. It’s week two, I still have to be patient because it takes at least a month. It’s amazing to me now many things I’m waiting on right now. Tick and Tock.

In the meantime I just want to get on more sure footing.

Love You, Love Me,
Kwana

Tea Time

Today I'll be drinking lots of tea and putting up my sore foot since running across town in 'those' shoes that shall not be named last night was clearly a bad idea. But really folks my ratty New Balances with the orthotics were just not going to cut it for a literary evening in Manhattan. Really.

Sigh-ing.

Love You, Love Me,

Kwana

image from here

You Can Get With This Or You Can Get With That

I’m just back from the arthritis doc where I had a good heart to heart. I really do like him with his sweet, kindly presence and long anecdotes. While there I also look a turn (literally) at the foot doctor to assess my orthotics which I still don’t like and had adjusted a bit. We’ll see how that works out.

My rheumatologist and I decided to switch my meds to a slightly more aggressive faster acting drug since the Paquenil is having no effect on me and the shooting pains in my foot are just as strong as ever. I mean it’s not fair to have to pay with a night of pain after only a 20 minute walk. So I’m now trying Methotrexate (big scary name there).

I asked him once again, could I avoid all this with vitamins, diet and exercise? He was kind, and patient, but told me in all seriousness, no. Sure diet and moderate exercise were important and he was not a pill happy doctor by any means, but for my age and with my numbers what we were trying to do was prevent further rapid advancement and without the medication that is what I would have in a few years. Yikes!

I told him how with all the talk of “but you can do it the natural way” or “all you need is to just get out and move more” I feel guilty about taking the medication. But kindly doctor dude set me straight. He told me to tell people to walk a mile in my shoes because right now they are free since I can’t walk a mile in them because of the pain.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with life’s challenges and mine may not be the same as everyone else’s but I don’t have to feel guilty for doing what I think is right for me and you don’t either.


Love You, Love Me,
Kwana

Nightly Ritual

This is my nightly ritual. I have to break out the ice pack and wrap it around my feet to help with the RA. 10 minutes on and 10 minutes off with each foot back and forth for about 30 minutes to help undo some of the damage of the day. It's not fun and the ice is torture sometimes but it's something I find a necessity especially on a day when I've been running around or walking a lot. I will say on some of the really hot days days we've been having I have been finding a bit of relief in the ice. That said I do hope this isn't something that lasts too long in my life and that the meds will give me more relief soon. The jury is still out on the nausea deal. Getting more tolerable, I think.

Hey, at least the ice thing it's a designated time that I HAVE to be off my feet. That's not too bad. I should add a facial to it or something once a week. Just thought of that one. NICE.



Do you have a nightly ritual that takes you off your feet? Keep it clean now. I wasn't going there. LOL.


Best,

Kwana

Perspective over Position

Thanks so much to all of you that came by and commented and followed this weekend. It's so appreciated. I feel do feel the love. Thank YOU!!!


So it really is a little mad me calling this the Best Year Of My Life. Come on, where do I get off? I mean nothing has changed from last year to make THIS year the best year of my life as a matter of fact with this RA diagnosis it’s now gotten slightly worse off. Besides, there has been no book deal or magic money windfall and not even a nice 10 pound weight loss to throw me a vanity bone, but still, I’m not ready to give up on my Best Year Of My Life thing just yet.


The way I see it it’s all about perspective over position right about now. I can’t immediately change my position. That's something that has to happen over time and it’s something that I can’t totally control myself anyway with the business I’m in being so subjective, but something that I can change, on even a moment to moment basis, is my perspective. And I do firmly believe perspective is reality to some extent (depending on just how wacky you really are). So with that being said ...I’m still, despite no change in my position, having The Best Year Of My Life. At least at this moment as I type this.
I am a Gemini you know.

On the RA front I got a pain in my toe in church yesterday that was like OMG! Knocked the breath out of me. I hate it when that happens. So not cute and all. Also I've been taking the Paquenil for a few days now and the first 2 days were ok but now I have this off sense of nausea that is not cool and I can't tell if it's from the constant humidity in NY or from the meds. Either way I really don't like it and have to watch it closely and talk to the doctor about it because I feel really tired and totally yucksville. Fun. Joy.

Love You, Love Me,

Kwana

Solider of Love

So I have now started on the medical route with the RA and so far ,so far. It’s day 1 and the doctor says it will take a month to see any results with the Paquenil. I must watch how it effects my eyes. What the freak?! My eyes? Of course I have the generic version and still my prescription with ins was 50.00. What's with that one? Big sigh there.

In other more proactive news… I still have a gym membership. How about that? So with headphones in hand I made my way back to Planet Fitness to see if there was a bike with my name on it. I can’t remember the last time I was there but they welcomed me back with open arms and I just had to pay a 10.00 fee and I was in. I did 25 minutes on the bike with 2 elderly men totally smoking me like a pair of Lance Armstrongs on either side. Side eye to them. Oh well, at least I was in the house. Then I thought I’d give the elliptical a try. I got 8 minutes in before my bad arthritic toe sent jolts of pain up my leg. I soldiered on another 2 minutes and gave up to do arm work for a bit. With visions of Michelle O racing through my head.

Oh well, at least I know I have a membership and a place to go.

Maybe I should keep Sade’s Solider of Love in my mind for this battle.

Love you, love me,
Kwana

The Best Year Of My Life...

So just the other day I went on this mini rant and declared that THIS would be the BEST year of my life. Yep, that's what I did. Me, big, old, happy and I'm being totally facetious here, me. But I was kinda serious about it. A bit at least. And so like me I've been reading about how to make it the best year of my life and how to get healthy and conquer stress, pain and adversity in my life.

So not 2 minutes after that and so like my life I go to the arthritis specialist to you know "just get tested as a precaution" because it can't be that I have something really wrong with me with this annoying pain in the foot I've been having. I mean what are the chances. Well....freaking crappity, crap crap. After an examination, a little chat and giving vials and vials of blood. Turns out I have freaking rheumatoid arthritis. Get the freak out of here. Like I need this after declaring it the best year of my life and to the DH no less? This sucks butt.

Visions of me being even more overweight than I am, having yet more migraines and walking with a cane flashed through my mind and I just wanted to sob. I know it's crazy but my toes curled in pain and all I could think of was how much more would my butt spread? I know vain right? This is a disease and I'm thinking of my butt spreading more but people it's already big and I don't want one side eye here from any skinny ass reading this. Keep it to yourself until you walk in my bread craving shoes.

Then the pain starts in my head and I try to breathe it away because stress doesn't help migraines and I don't need a weekend of throwing up on top of things. Then I started to think of the DH and how he will react to this arthritis news. Great, yet another thing wrong with me. I just got through the breast surgery in December and thanking God that was over and ok but the scars are still there and I seem to always complain of head pain and now foot pain and here is something else and new chronic pain without a cure. The mind races. There is always something with me. Jeez.

Is this want I get declaring it the best year of my life? Freaking crap.

I told the DH and he was stunned and sad and had all the emotions I thought he would after being with him over 20 years. He came home with a long face and was quiet. Too quiet which kills me.

Then later I ventured to the basement man cave and I asked the DH how can I be called Rumy (my new self given nickname) and still have the best year of my life? He gave a weak smile and said I have to find a way that I still can. I then named him Luby and told him he'll have to keep me lubed up and mobile. He laughed at that and said how could I be so crazy when this was so serious. But I knew I had to make him laugh even though I'm now scared as sh*# because I hate when he gets withdrawn and I see that fear in his eyes when I get sick. So I told him again that his job was to keep me mobile so my legs were um, lets just say always active. It was good to see him laugh since he came home so sad after I called him with the doctors news.

So here is another new day. Yesterday I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis for real real and This Is The Best Year Of My Life.

It's good to be 41. Right? RIGHT?!

Love you, Love me,

Kwana